Thursday, October 27, 2011

Can't Stop The Zombies

According to IMDB stats the "Twilight" series is insanely popular with girls aged 18-29, "Harry Potter" is hugely popular with almost equal percentages of men & women 18-34 and "Moneyball" is popular with dudes with bad skin. All of that sorta fleshes out the way you'd think but this Zombie thing has me baffled.

The other day AMC renewed it's "The Walking Dead" show for it's third season. I can't figure out who the demographic here is but man, you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a zombie these days. Every automotive or outdoor sports message board I'm a member of has at least one thread discussing "Zombie Apocalypse" preparedness and any hunting or firearm related forum will no doubt have multiple versions on the theme....satirical of course.

A few minutes of trolling "The Google" yields some fascinating results:

All things considered I think I'd prefer the 7500lb diesel powered Hummer if faced with hoards of the undead.

Since it's nearly Halloween I thought a reader might be interested in a Zombie costume. Fear not friends, that information is available. Yours truly has even gone and found the info with helpful tips for creating your own necro-rambling outfit.  

Fighting Zombies can take a lot out of a guy. One needs the ability to rehydrate and energize themselves. God bless the free market.

Or if you want to just say screw it, give up and get drunk until the Zombies come.....

Zombie sighting at Occupy Wall Street:

This next one is particularly hilarious. The Missouri Department of Conservation took the time to create this comedic press release on the topic. At least someone in Government has a sense of humor....because we already think they're a joke.

Invasive Species Alert: ZOMBIES!

Welcome to this special Fresh Afield blog post.
Be warned of our state’s newest invasive species threat--ZOMBIES!
While zombie management is largely left to the police, military and health agencies, conservation plays a role in protecting Missouri's fish, forest and wildlife resources--and Missourians--from this invasive species.
Hunters, campers and others in the outdoors and on conservation areas should know there is always the chance they may encounter a zombie while out in the field. Good preparation helps you know what to do if you encounter this newest invasive species in Missouri.
The zombie invasion is like the feral hog problem in parts of Missouri, and its management is similar. We do not encourage organized zombie hunts since that may encourage the intentional release of zombie swarms. It can also disrupt wildlife and hunting opportunities for the more than 500,000 living Missourians who enjoy hunting.

Zombie Identification

Some indications that you have a zombie in view:
  • It has a gray-green dull skin tone.
  • It is wearing inappropriate clothing for the season or terrain (no coat or shoes, for instance).
  • It has open wounds, other injuries and/or missing or damaged limbs but no sign of bleeding.
  • It does not respond to verbal stimulus or exhibit any interest in its immediate surroundings.
  • It is trying to eat you.

Zombie Hunger and Habitat

Zombies require meat and brains. While human is the preferred source, fish and wildlife are another ready source of nourishment.
While zombies are primarily found in populated areas, there are zombies in undeveloped rural areas, far from cities and towns. Evidence suggests that these zombies are transient, and moving to populated areas in search of their primary food source: brains. They are known to travel in packs or swarms, especially near food sources, but it is not uncommon to find solitary zombies in the field.
Cold weather slows down zombies. When the weather is below freezing, zombies may "hibernate" under leaf litter or underwater until warmer spring weather.

Hunter/Outdoor Safety

Whether you are out in a tree stand, in a wetland or in a field, a few precautions combined with everyday hunter safety can ensure that you make it back alive.
  • Always let someone know where you are hunting (or fishing, hiking, walking, camping) and when you expect to return. Leave a map or GPS coordinates with your family and in your vehicle.
  • Avoid cauliflower fields. Since cauliflowers appear brain-like, they often lure zombies.

Cauliflower? Who knew.
Pretty funny stuff and there's more of it here:

Even the legendarily uptight "Centers For Disease Control" has gotten into the act on the premise that:
"If you are generally well equipped to deal with a zombie apocalypse you will be prepared for a hurricane, pandemic, earthquake, or terrorist attack." So please log on, get a kit, make a plan, and be prepared! "

Of course, if you are faced with pack of zombies you want to make sure you are adequately armed. The fine folks at Hornaday Ammunition have got you covered.

Like any responsible company Hornaday even offers the following disclaimer:
....please note, Hornady Zombie Max ammunition is not a toy. It is intended only to be used on zombies, also known as the living dead, undead, etc. No human being, plant, animal, vegetable or mineral should ever be shot with Zombie Max ammunition.

Again, we repeat, Zombie Max ammunition is for use on zombies only - that's not a nickname, phrase or cute way of referring to anybody, place or thing. When we say zombies, we mean zombies
I have no idea if that is a joke or if they are actually selling this stuff. Funny none the less.

Heck, even the guys at "Epic Meal Time" have gotten into the act. Zombies are bigger than bacon!

As pervasive as this zombie thing has gotten I'm starting to wonder if The Zombie Apocalypse isn't going to manifest itself in the manner of George Romero's 1968 "Night Of The Living Dead" but in a massive, integrated marketing campaign.


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